Vampires Suck (2010)
82 min · Comedy, Horror
Another Friedberg-Seltzer entry on critics' worst-of-decade lists, exemplifying their formulaic mockbuster approach with minimal comedic invention.
The Bottom Reel's take
Oh, *Vampires Suck*. The title alone tells you exactly what kind of cinematic experience you're in for, and frankly, we wouldn't have it any other way. This 2010 parody, clocking in at a brisk 82 minutes, takes aim square at the reigning supernatural romance franchise of its era. It's a comedy-horror concoction that, in its ambition, wanted to be the sharp-toothed satirist of teen angst and sparkly skin. What it *achieved*, however, was something far more uniquely Bottom Reel: a film that, despite its critical reception (a paltry 4/100, if you can believe it!), managed to carve out its own niche in the hearts of those who appreciate a certain kind of unapologetic, over-the-top silliness.
The texture of its badness is, for many, instantly recognizable. As another entry from a directorial duo famed for their mockbuster approach, *Vampires Suck* arrives with a pre-existing reputation, often cited on "worst of the decade" lists for what some perceived as minimal comedic invention. Yet, it's precisely this formulaic commitment that gives it its specific charm. We're talking about a film from a specific comedic era, where referential humor was king, and subtlety was firmly banished to the sidelines. Every beat, every visual gag, every exaggerated character turn is dialed up to eleven, creating a relentless, almost hypnotic barrage of jokes that land with varying degrees of success, but *always* with a commitment that's oddly admirable.
And that, dear readers, is why it’s still profoundly worth your Friday night. The humor may be broad, and its approach to satire more akin to a blunt instrument than a scalpel, but there's an undeniable, infectious energy to the whole affair. This isn't a film that tries to sneak in its laughs; it crashes through the front door, shouts its punchlines, and hopes you're having a good time. It’s the kind of movie that doesn't just invite groans and eye-rolls; it *earns* them, but often with a wink and a nod that says, "We know, but aren't we having fun anyway?" The gap between its ambitious comedic aims and its actual execution creates a delightful void that audiences, scoring it a more forgiving 46/100, are clearly willing to fill with their own laughter.
So, what's our verdict on *Vampires Suck*? It certainly lives up to its infamous reputation, not as a masterclass in parody, but as a monument to a particular brand of early 2010s comedic filmmaking. This isn't a film to ponder or analyze; it's a film to *experience*. Grab your most cynical friends, prepare some suitably themed snacks (perhaps some red velvet cupcakes or, daringly, a steak), and let its unfiltered, chaotic energy wash over you. It's the perfect cinematic concoction for those nights when you simply want to turn off your brain and embrace the gloriously goofy. It might "suck" in the traditional sense, but for us, that's precisely why it's unforgettably fun.
Synopsis
A clumsy teen moves to a rainy town and becomes entangled between a vampire and a werewolf in this parody of the Twilight films.